Feeling unreasonable...

"The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable man persists to adapt the world to himself. Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable."

- George Bernard Shaw

I'm tired. I know in my soul what I must set myself out to accomplish in order to get through this. But, sometimes I don't feel I have the strength. I get tired of the hurdles. The atmosphere around here leaves a lot to be desired. But, this is something that I really want. I've taken many unreasonable steps to get to the place where I am now, but I have so far to go. I have so much to understand. The more I read and learn, the more I struggle with the realization of knowing that there is so much more out there that I don't have a clue about.

On a side note, but slightly related, a professor in the department talked to me today about the quality of PhD students that were in the program years ago. Back then, it was a fluid, dynamic atmosphere, where students and faculty communicated and inspired each other. The atmosphere fostered an energy and a spirit of excitement among everyone in the department. That was around the time that I was doing my Masters, way back in the early 90's. I remember it well. It was that kind of atmosphere that I was hoping to come back to. Unfortunately, it didn't take long to realize that excitement was dead in the department. This professor was telling me that he missed it, and was basically telling me that he wished it would return. Now, the faculty pretty much keep to themselves. Everyone has their own research. Even the grad students mostly keep to themselves. They pretty much break up into their own cliques (usually divided by ethnic origin). That is a shame.  We should all be working together, sharing knowledge, regardless of our ethnic and gender differences.  Think about how much more we could be learning from each other! Fortunately, not all are like that. There are a few grad students who make a point to communicate with other grad students outside of their normal clique. At least the faculty that are doing active research seem to regularly meet with their own students they are advising for their dissertation.

I know I must play a part in changing the atmosphere... but it's hard to know where to begin, and what I can do without stepping on toes. This is a public university, and politics play an important part here. I'll watch for a while and look for opportunities. We'll see what happens...